The Subtle Art Of Saying No

Practical Implementation

• Daily Meditation: Spend 10 minutes each day practicing mindfulness meditation. You're the DJ, increase/decrease the lenght of your practice as you wish. We know that everyday is different so you choose.
• Reflective Journaling: Write about your experiences with saying "no" and how it felt. Be raw and honest, after all your journal is a safe place.

Practical Implementation

• Start with Positivity: Begin by acknowledging the value of the request.
• Deliver the "No": Clearly and firmly state your inability to commit. And? Shush up! Don't overexplain or say things like "well, but..." Trust me It took me time to get there but this is how we do it.
• End with a Positive Note: Offer an alternative or express gratitude. I prefer the latter.

Real-World Example

Jessica was invited to join a committee, but her schedule was full. She responded, "I appreciate the opportunity and the work this committee does. Unfortunately, I can't join at this time, but I hope to support your efforts in the future." - Perfecto! Isn't it?

Practical Implementation

• Define Your Limits: Clearly outline what you are willing and not willing to do. This is a great thing to do and update every couples of month since we evolve and our wishes may surprise us. If you take time to know your limits it will come easily to you to trace the borderline. When we overcomit or get trapped in the yesses to everything it is often because we don't even know ourselves what our limits actually are!
• Communicate Clearly: Now that you know, simply share your boundaries with friends, family and whoever should know about them.

Real-World Example

I personally don't check my Whatsapps and emails before 8/9am and definitely not after 9pm. This allows me time to consciouly connect and dis-connect and perform talks while spending quality time with my family, ultimately improve my ultimate goal of work-life IMbalance. Yes, you read it right.

Practical Implementation

• Suggest a Different Time: If you're unable to meet a request now, propose a future date. Do it only if you actually wanted to meet...If you just postpone it you're not really freeing yourself.
• Recommend Someone Else: If you're not the right fit, suggest someone who might be.

Real-World Example

As a birth worker with unique yet deeply rooted beliefs about how babies should enter the world and how womben should experience birth, I frequently receive requests from pregnant women seeking my support as a doula. However, since I no longer include hospital births in my services, I’ve learned to graciously decline while recommending doulas whose approaches align more closely with their birth preferences and philosophies.

Practical Implementation

• Use Scheduling Apps: Tools like Google Calendar can help you visualize your commitments and identify when you're overbooked.
• Automate Responses: Use email autoresponders to set expectations about response times.

Real-World Example

Cedric, artists and illustrator uses an online scheduling tool to block out focus time each day. This helped him say "no" to last-minute requests without guilt (even mine!), as his calendar clearly showed his availability. This is also included in the 12 Week Year plan, where the author recommends weekly 4-hours undisturbed work.

Practical Implementation

• Conduct Practice Sessions: Role-play with a friend or family member. This sounds silly but for the shy-ones among us this will work like magic!
• Use Real-Life Scenarios: Practice with situations you frequently encounter.

Real-World Example

Samantha, who often struggled to say "no" to her overbearing boss, practiced with a friend. This practice gave her the confidence to assertively decline additional projects without fear.

Practical Implementation

• Practice Saying "No": Use the word without adding qualifiers or excuses.
• Reflect on Outcomes: Notice how saying "no" impacts your life positively and journal about it if you're a writer.

Real-World Example

I oftened felt pressured to attend every single social event just to 'be there' and play cool. I simply implemented all we discussed above and learned to say "no" without explanation. This freed up my precious time that I was finally ready to label as 'precious' with no pretention and vanity.

Practical Implementation

• Start Conversations: Discuss the importance of saying "no" with peers and family and your children! Especially with daughters.
• Lead by Example: Demonstrate your commitment to personal boundaries and time-management.

Real-World Example

Luckily, I am surrounded by friends that have mastered the art of saying "no." Years ago before my awakening I would not always understand, but once you stand taller in your awareness, it is easier to see how many teachers were already paving the way for me. Sam way I do with you starting with this article.

Thought-Provoking Questions:

• How can saying "no" more often lead to greater personal and professional fulfillment?
• In what ways can supporting local small businesses strengthen community bonds?
• What are some of the challenges you face when trying to say "no," and how can you overcome them?